At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
