why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
