i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
