Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
