if i can run in heels then i can drive
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
