I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
