You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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