Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
