Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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