Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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