They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
