I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
