i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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