I want to stick my p in your. b.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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