i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
