you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
