new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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