Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
