Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize