I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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