Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
