Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
