that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize