dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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