just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
