The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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