she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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