Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize