How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
