I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
