I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize