I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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