if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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