My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
