Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
