Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
