The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
