Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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