Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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