I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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