Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
