I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We have started to decorate penises.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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