i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
