Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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