matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
