[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
