i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize