I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
