I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
