I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
