Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
