Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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