a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize