The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
