Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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