i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
home. puking in laundry basket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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