FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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