No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
