im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize