I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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