Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize