The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
