The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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