She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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