You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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