Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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