have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize