I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
