He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
