Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
