I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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