Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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