Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
