I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
