Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
