I wish I could teleport
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
