Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
