butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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