I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
