Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
