My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
